{"id":2447,"date":"2011-03-24T17:13:32","date_gmt":"2011-03-24T21:13:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/?p=2447"},"modified":"2011-03-24T17:13:32","modified_gmt":"2011-03-24T21:13:32","slug":"suya-batirilan-kesme-seker-hayat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/2011\/03\/suya-batirilan-kesme-seker-hayat\/","title":{"rendered":"SUYA BATIRILAN KESME \u015eEKER: HAYAT"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/yumurta_adam.jpg\"><img src=https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/yumurta_adam.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"yumurta_adam\" width=\"640\" height=\"250\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-2449\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: right;\">Kahve ka\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131yla \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcp durmu\u015fum \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fc<br \/>\nBir sar\u0131mtrak sis ki ka\u015f\u0131r s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 pencerelerde<br \/>\nDurgun denizlerin dibini delen bir \u00e7ift pen\u00e7e<br \/>\nT.S. Eliot- Denemelerden<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Eski mahallemizi ve pazar g\u00fcnleri ana caddede oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7ift kale ma\u00e7lar\u0131 hat\u0131rlatt\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde sal\u0131nan u\u00e7urtmalar. Sokaktaki kola kutusuna t\u00fcm g\u00fcc\u00fcyle vurmak. Hediye edilen kazaktaki koku. Yeni al\u0131nan bir \u00e7ift ayakkab\u0131n\u0131n ebeveynlerce parmak taraf\u0131ndan bast\u0131r\u0131larak kontrol edilmesi. Koca bir demlik \u00e7ay. Ender de olsa yap\u0131lan sucuklu yumurta. Varl\u0131\u011f\u0131 tart\u0131\u015fmaktansa b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn et ve kemi\u011fin hakk\u0131n\u0131 vermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak. Bizim hik\u00e2yemiz \u00e7ok uzundur. Ve aynay\u0131 bile a\u011flat\u0131r.  Zaman zaman ac\u0131dan faydaland\u0131\u011f\u0131 do\u011frudur. \u015eeffaf testisini unuttuklar\u0131yla dolduran. Kendisinin g\u00f6rebildi\u011fi ama d\u0131\u015far\u0131dan belli olmayan. Ac\u0131 neden d\u0131\u015far\u0131dan belli olmuyor?<\/p>\n<p>Bizim mutlulu\u011fumuz kalbimizde duydu\u011fumuz belirli belirsiz bir ferahl\u0131ktan ileri gelirdi. U\u00e7urtmalar\u0131n \u00fczerinde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fck kalplerimizi. Rengarenk. Siyas\u00ee malzemenin \u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc olmayan ger\u00e7ek h\u00fcrriyet. B\u00f6yleydi. <strong>H\u00fcrriyetimiz de u\u00e7urtmalarla u\u00e7ard\u0131 bizim.<\/strong> Hep daha y\u00fckse\u011fi hedefleyerek. Herkese yetecek kadar g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc vard\u0131 elbette. E\u011fildik ve yakla\u015ft\u0131k.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130fade vermek zorunda olmadan ya\u015fad\u0131k. Kendime her yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015fey i\u00e7in k\u0131rk elli sayfal\u0131k hik\u00e2ye hediye ettim hayat\u0131m boyunca. <strong>D\u00fcnya \u00f6nceden bilmeden \u00f6nem verdi\u011fimiz dev gibi bir ayr\u0131nt\u0131yd\u0131. <\/strong>D\u00fcnya bir akvaryum, biz ise i\u00e7indeki \u015fuursuz Japon bal\u0131klar\u0131. Ama ayr\u0131nt\u0131 giderek azald\u0131. \u00d6nemsenmeyecek kadar yani. T\u00fckenmez okyanusu g\u00f6rd\u00fck\u00e7e b\u00f6yle oluyor bu.<br \/>\nHi\u00e7bir \u015fey bilmedi\u011fim g\u00fcnlerimi \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum. \u00c7ok zor bir sanat icra ediyoruz. <strong>\u0130nsan olmak m\u0131 zor; yoksa insan gibi ya\u015famak m\u0131?<\/strong> Bakal\u0131m ortaya nas\u0131l bir resim \u00e7\u0131kacak? Korku ve \u00fcmit. Az geli\u015fmi\u015f kalplerden korku. G\u00f6nl\u00fcne kervansaray kurmu\u015f, her g\u00fcn kendisine \u201cnereden nereye?\u201d diye soran \u00fc\u00e7k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t\u00e7\u0131 zamana kar\u015f\u0131 ise \u00fcmit. Hayat\u0131m \u00e7ok garip.<\/p>\n<p>Umutsuzluk \u00f6l\u00fcmc\u00fcl m\u00fc? Bu hastal\u0131k hi\u00e7bir \u015fekilde \u00f6l\u00fcmc\u00fcl de\u011fildir. (Soren Kierkegaard, \u00d6l\u00fcmc\u00fcl Hastal\u0131k Umutsuzluk) Ortak etti\u011fin hayat\u0131n ad\u0131 umutsuzluk ise erken \u00f6len ama cesedi de \u00e7irkin olanlardan oluyorsun. Hayat hi\u00e7bir \u015fey ise umutsuzlu\u011fun \u00f6z\u00fc odur. Sen bir \u00f6l\u00fcs\u00fcn. \u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fcn, fizi\u011finden ya da kimyandan de\u011fil. Sava\u015fmadan \u00f6lememenden.<\/p>\n<p>Hakl\u0131yd\u0131. Ne \u00e7ok de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftik. O zaman cevap vermedim. Hangi de\u011fi\u015fimi anlayabilirdi ki?  Ayn\u0131 gemide de\u011filiz. Ve gemimiz y\u00fcz\u00fcyor. Annesinin \u015fefkatli kollar\u0131na ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7ocuk kocaman olup da bir g\u00fcn ben de\u011fi\u015ftim derse: De\u011fi\u015fim odur. \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumuz, g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fczdeki \u0131\u015f\u0131k, gece kahvemiz, sahanda yumurtam\u0131z ve sevgimiz hi\u00e7 de\u011fi\u015fmedi. Kaderin oyun sahas\u0131nda oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7ift kale ma\u00e7ta kendi kalemize yaln\u0131zca bir gol att\u0131k o kadar.<\/p>\n<p>Gece oldu\u011fum gibi yere serildim. <strong>Baki olan\u0131n ipine sar\u0131ld\u0131m. Bizim \u00fcmidimiz sab\u0131rla beraber y\u00fcr\u00fcr. Ve \u015f\u00fck\u00fcrle de kom\u015fudur. <\/strong>Canlar\u0131m\u0131z ve mallar\u0131m\u0131z da her an Allah\u2019a kar\u015f\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k artt\u0131rmadad\u0131r. De\u011feri de hesaplanamayan bir pahad\u0131r. Her g\u00fcn bir \u0130stanbul desek mesela. T\u00fcm ekonomik parametreleriyle her g\u00fcn bir \u0130stanbul. Bedir kuyular\u0131 kova kova alt\u0131n olsa mesela. Susuzlu\u011fumuzu gidermez. A\u00e7\u0131lmad\u0131k\u00e7a ba\u011fr\u0131m\u0131z, inmedik\u00e7e y\u00fck\u00fcm\u00fcz (s\u0131z\u0131 veren y\u00fck\u00fcm\u00fcz), d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce ve anma kabiliyetimiz sonra, y\u00fckselmedik\u00e7e ve zorlu\u011fun arkas\u0131ndan bir kolayl\u0131k olmad\u0131k\u00e7a yine yorulmad\u0131k\u00e7a hangi hayat g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcze bir \u015ferh d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrebilir ki? Ra\u011fbet et!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2449,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hayata-dair"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2447","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2447"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2447\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2450,"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2447\/revisions\/2450"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2449"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kainatamektup.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}